So I had my former stepson over for his 13th birthday. We were originally supposed to see a movie, but he decided he wanted to rent one On Demand, which was fine. We also played some Wii. I would have sold the game system ages ago to cover something silly like food expenses or my well-overdue medical bills from a series of endoscopies, but he loves the game and it’s something we do together. I never touch it otherwise.
He, his mother, and his grandparents were going out to dinner, and I was invited along, but I declined. I know this sounds selfish, but I really had my heart set on watching the big football game tonight between my Steelers and their most hated rival, Baltimore. With dinner being at 6 and the game at 8:30, I might not have missed much of it, but I had the erroneous thought I might take a nap before the game since I have to return to work tomorrow after a week off and I go in at 5 a.m.
The other thing would have been how strange it would be to sit with my ex-wife and ex-in-laws conversing over dinner. I hate her for dropping me (twice) and for shacking up with my replacement. I know the focus should be his birthday, and I should maybe put my angst aside for that, but I can’t, and I’m not entirely convinced I should. How long am I supposed to be the nice guy, hanging in for the child that’s not his when no expectation of the same seems to be made of the new man? How long should I be expected to act like a member of the family from which I was evicted?
The guilt, of course, kicks in nonetheless for putting my needs, wants and feelings over his. I don’t think he is or will be hung up about it, but I still feel a little shitty anyway.